Sunday, December 28, 2003
Good news and bad news.
First the bad, that way the good seems even better. If you would've talked to me last night at around midnight, I would've been horribly depressed. I sat at home last night, which was a Saturday, at my mother's request. I debated calling someone in response to their away message all night long, but the later it got, the more I thought better of it. So needless to say I didn't do it.
I opted instead to check my grades.
I got an A in Russian. This I pretty much expected. It was the only class in which I knew I was doing well, hell if I wouldn't have gotten the A I would've probably shot someone. I got a B in End User Technologies. This makes me happy, because I needed 15 points out of 20 on the test to keep a B, so I obviously did well on the test. I got a B in Physics as well. This is really good news, because I needed about a 75% on the exam in order to get the B and the last two test I took in there I got 50's or 60's on. So somehow I pulled a B out of my ass. But I couldn't do it three times over. I failed Calc II. Yup, to all those of you who claimed I was smart and could do it - you were WRONG. I failed it. I went into the last week of class with a 59.5%. I thought to myself I could do it. I should've known better than that. I hate my life, I wish I was smart.
Okay, so the GOOD news. I went on Amazon.com this morning, looking for Boston Public. Instead I found THIS - The Complete Series of the Critic on DVD. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have been waiting for this moment since THE SIMPSONS came out on DVD. I never thought it would happen, and here it is. January 27, 2004. It will be released and Amazon will ship it to me as they have allowed me to pre-order it.
I said in here a couple weeks ago when The Kids in the Hall came out that it was the first of three beautiful fantasies come true. This would be the second, and also more important to me of the two. So I guess that leaves just one fantasy to go...
The only fear I have is that this release was so unlikely that Ralph and I always said it would come out the day after I die. That would mean I wouldn't get to enjoy it.
First the bad, that way the good seems even better. If you would've talked to me last night at around midnight, I would've been horribly depressed. I sat at home last night, which was a Saturday, at my mother's request. I debated calling someone in response to their away message all night long, but the later it got, the more I thought better of it. So needless to say I didn't do it.
I opted instead to check my grades.
I got an A in Russian. This I pretty much expected. It was the only class in which I knew I was doing well, hell if I wouldn't have gotten the A I would've probably shot someone. I got a B in End User Technologies. This makes me happy, because I needed 15 points out of 20 on the test to keep a B, so I obviously did well on the test. I got a B in Physics as well. This is really good news, because I needed about a 75% on the exam in order to get the B and the last two test I took in there I got 50's or 60's on. So somehow I pulled a B out of my ass. But I couldn't do it three times over. I failed Calc II. Yup, to all those of you who claimed I was smart and could do it - you were WRONG. I failed it. I went into the last week of class with a 59.5%. I thought to myself I could do it. I should've known better than that. I hate my life, I wish I was smart.
Okay, so the GOOD news. I went on Amazon.com this morning, looking for Boston Public. Instead I found THIS - The Complete Series of the Critic on DVD. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have been waiting for this moment since THE SIMPSONS came out on DVD. I never thought it would happen, and here it is. January 27, 2004. It will be released and Amazon will ship it to me as they have allowed me to pre-order it.
I said in here a couple weeks ago when The Kids in the Hall came out that it was the first of three beautiful fantasies come true. This would be the second, and also more important to me of the two. So I guess that leaves just one fantasy to go...
The only fear I have is that this release was so unlikely that Ralph and I always said it would come out the day after I die. That would mean I wouldn't get to enjoy it.
Thursday, December 25, 2003
Let me just state that video games are my escape from a reality I'm not fond of, so anyone who gives me crap about playing them too much shall face my wrath.
That said, Merry Christmas! Or happy sixth day of Chanukkah. Or happy day before Boxing Day & the first day of Kwanzaa. Or happy fourth day after the Winter Solstice. Or happy - whatever you choose to celebrate.
I've had a pretty good couple of days... Haven't been TOO down, for being me. Spent most of Monday and part of Tuesday with Jason, and that was cool. He got me the "Know Your Roots" NES controller shirt I wanted so desperately! Not only that, but he sold me a CD burner for my laptop! Thanks, Jay! :)
Got to see dad and his family yesterday, that was cool. Hadn't been out there for a while. Also got some nice stuff from him, including a digital camera! Now I can finally say goodbye to my mom's old 35 millimeter that I've been using for so long... Just gotta learn how to work the thing.
This morning was good, too - mom and Mark and I exchanged gifts, and I got a lot more cool stuff. I finally have my foam DDR pads! They just feel so good. I can actually play on Standard now, thank goodness. Also got lots of Michael Moore stuff and the complete Family Guy collection. Oh yeah.
Still have to go to my aunt's house on Saturday for mom's extended family, then Mark's kids will be here on Sunday. It's nice that all the stress I've gone through getting ready for this holiday is finally paying off.
So again, happy holidays!
That said, Merry Christmas! Or happy sixth day of Chanukkah. Or happy day before Boxing Day & the first day of Kwanzaa. Or happy fourth day after the Winter Solstice. Or happy - whatever you choose to celebrate.
I've had a pretty good couple of days... Haven't been TOO down, for being me. Spent most of Monday and part of Tuesday with Jason, and that was cool. He got me the "Know Your Roots" NES controller shirt I wanted so desperately! Not only that, but he sold me a CD burner for my laptop! Thanks, Jay! :)
Got to see dad and his family yesterday, that was cool. Hadn't been out there for a while. Also got some nice stuff from him, including a digital camera! Now I can finally say goodbye to my mom's old 35 millimeter that I've been using for so long... Just gotta learn how to work the thing.
This morning was good, too - mom and Mark and I exchanged gifts, and I got a lot more cool stuff. I finally have my foam DDR pads! They just feel so good. I can actually play on Standard now, thank goodness. Also got lots of Michael Moore stuff and the complete Family Guy collection. Oh yeah.
Still have to go to my aunt's house on Saturday for mom's extended family, then Mark's kids will be here on Sunday. It's nice that all the stress I've gone through getting ready for this holiday is finally paying off.
So again, happy holidays!
Sunday, December 21, 2003
"Every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means on every day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life."
-Peter Gibbons, Office Space
Yeah, that's messed up, but it rings pretty true. The nothingness inside is growing. Well, as much as "nothing" can GROW, anyway.
Okay so today wasn't too bad - Paul came over for a while and we played DDR. It was quite fun. Actually took my mind off life and how shitty it gets. I actually didn't feel bad about myself the entire time Paul was here. Quite a nice feeling, I had forgotten what it was.
Last night, on the other hand, was Laura's birthday party. Oh sure it was good to see Laura and I think it's cool that she had all her friends over for a party. And yes, I did have fun. But basically what I did all night was play video games. Normally, this would not bother me. Hell, it would normally make me pretty happy.
But what one must realize is that over the past few months I've come to terms with the fact that everything I was once "good" at, I am now losing. Whatever few skills I might have had are slipping out the window. I can't write well anymore, and I never draw anymore. I pretty much sucked in ALL my classes this semester... Started off well, ended pathetically. The only thing I had left is that I was somewhat decent at video games. A challenge to most people who I took on, at the very least. Well, so long as it was a game I knew, obviously.
But my DDR progress has stopped. I can't clear the hurdle to the next level, and I watch everyone else I know growing stronger. Even people who've been playing 1/5 as long as me are now surpassing me. I thought I was decent at Soul Calibur II. That was the last thing left I thought I was good at, but I got my ass handed to me for the last couple weeks at our game days in Whitewater.
Last night Jason wiped the floor with me in the first round. I came back with a different character and went on an 11-round winning streak which it took Ralph's cheap trickery to end, but the only reason it lasted is because it was fueled by own inner frustration with myself. Watching my character get more and more violent and intense on the screen, Jason made the comment "He just keeps getting angrier and angrier..." And he's right. I am so angry with myself sometimes at how little I'm good at. How little I can do.
But after the anger passes comes the despair. The empty feeling. And now that school's done for the semester, I can't even talk about what I'm learing and sound smart/important that way. I can't read when depressed because I fall asleep - see, I realized THAT was the reason that I haven't been able to read for the last couple years - so I can't take knowledge out of books very well, either. I hate breaks from school. They always make me feel like this.
Now I must go to bed... For I open tomorrow. Sometimes I wonder if McDonald's "management" is all I will ever amount to. I have no ambition or drive for anything better.
Only 29 days of winter break to go... Let's hope they're fast.
-Peter Gibbons, Office Space
Yeah, that's messed up, but it rings pretty true. The nothingness inside is growing. Well, as much as "nothing" can GROW, anyway.
Okay so today wasn't too bad - Paul came over for a while and we played DDR. It was quite fun. Actually took my mind off life and how shitty it gets. I actually didn't feel bad about myself the entire time Paul was here. Quite a nice feeling, I had forgotten what it was.
Last night, on the other hand, was Laura's birthday party. Oh sure it was good to see Laura and I think it's cool that she had all her friends over for a party. And yes, I did have fun. But basically what I did all night was play video games. Normally, this would not bother me. Hell, it would normally make me pretty happy.
But what one must realize is that over the past few months I've come to terms with the fact that everything I was once "good" at, I am now losing. Whatever few skills I might have had are slipping out the window. I can't write well anymore, and I never draw anymore. I pretty much sucked in ALL my classes this semester... Started off well, ended pathetically. The only thing I had left is that I was somewhat decent at video games. A challenge to most people who I took on, at the very least. Well, so long as it was a game I knew, obviously.
But my DDR progress has stopped. I can't clear the hurdle to the next level, and I watch everyone else I know growing stronger. Even people who've been playing 1/5 as long as me are now surpassing me. I thought I was decent at Soul Calibur II. That was the last thing left I thought I was good at, but I got my ass handed to me for the last couple weeks at our game days in Whitewater.
Last night Jason wiped the floor with me in the first round. I came back with a different character and went on an 11-round winning streak which it took Ralph's cheap trickery to end, but the only reason it lasted is because it was fueled by own inner frustration with myself. Watching my character get more and more violent and intense on the screen, Jason made the comment "He just keeps getting angrier and angrier..." And he's right. I am so angry with myself sometimes at how little I'm good at. How little I can do.
But after the anger passes comes the despair. The empty feeling. And now that school's done for the semester, I can't even talk about what I'm learing and sound smart/important that way. I can't read when depressed because I fall asleep - see, I realized THAT was the reason that I haven't been able to read for the last couple years - so I can't take knowledge out of books very well, either. I hate breaks from school. They always make me feel like this.
Now I must go to bed... For I open tomorrow. Sometimes I wonder if McDonald's "management" is all I will ever amount to. I have no ambition or drive for anything better.
Only 29 days of winter break to go... Let's hope they're fast.
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Just saw THIS on TV... Must... HAVE. Must have NOW!!!! Someone, give me the $60! It's too late to ask for it for Christmas, and I NEED THIS!! It is a beautiful fantasy come true!
(One beautiful fantasy down, two to go!)
Hey... how come nobody ever posts comments on here? Or is it just that no one reads this?
(One beautiful fantasy down, two to go!)
Hey... how come nobody ever posts comments on here? Or is it just that no one reads this?
Thursday, December 11, 2003
Well, I turned 21 at 5:23 AM today. Happy birthday to me, I guess. Thank you to all those who remembered (called me, IM'ed me, got me something, stopped by, etc). It really means a lot to me. To those who forgot, I'll still accept a "happy birthday." :P To those of you who didn't know it was my birthday, now you do.
The day wasn't all that spectacular, though. I felt completely rushed all day. Last night at midnight was great, cuz aj was the first to wish me happy birthday :) She can always put me in a good mood.
But then the morning comes. First I got up and started getting ready. Mom took the day off, so she spent the morning all peppy and happy and "happy birthday" every two seconds. Blech. I appreciate it to be sure, but I can't stand vigor in the morning. It is one of my greater pet peeves. She even had breakfast ready when I got out of the shower. Even though I had to leave. So because of this peanut-butter coated English muffin, I was 15 minutes late to get Krissi and BARELY made it to class.
So I had to take an oral exam for Russian, and I think that went okay. Anyway it was the last day of that dreadful class. Then I went to my end user technologies class. We only reviewed for the final and were done in 20 minutes (it's an hour and 15 minute class), but it was worth going because a guy in the class brought in an Alienware laptop. I'd never actually seen one in person before. So that was cool
Afterward I went to lunch with Ralph. I ran into this graduate student in my physics class who is really liberal and scientific-minded (and I think she's cute). We ate lunch with her, then I followed her to a physics study group. I did homework for an hour, then went to take a calculus test (which I know I failed). Then I had to rush out of school to get Krissi and take her home. When I got back to Muskego I had to get to work and the bank. On the road Jon called and told me he was at my house. So then I had to rush home.
When I got home, Jon told me what my birthday present was - he's gonna watch the Matrix with me. Awesome. But then dad was coming so mom rushed me to eat and open gifts (which were nice). Then dad finally got here and took me down to Romine's to shoot pool (the guy at the door looked at my license and said happy birthday, which my banker did NOT do). I finally relaxed a bit. When I got home I played video games for a little while and now here I am. I guess it was an okay day, but it was gone in the blink of an eye. Now I'm 21... I don't think it's sunk in yet.
Oh, and Ralph did get me a very asinine gift. Anyone who wants to know what it is can contact me to find out.
The day wasn't all that spectacular, though. I felt completely rushed all day. Last night at midnight was great, cuz aj was the first to wish me happy birthday :) She can always put me in a good mood.
But then the morning comes. First I got up and started getting ready. Mom took the day off, so she spent the morning all peppy and happy and "happy birthday" every two seconds. Blech. I appreciate it to be sure, but I can't stand vigor in the morning. It is one of my greater pet peeves. She even had breakfast ready when I got out of the shower. Even though I had to leave. So because of this peanut-butter coated English muffin, I was 15 minutes late to get Krissi and BARELY made it to class.
So I had to take an oral exam for Russian, and I think that went okay. Anyway it was the last day of that dreadful class. Then I went to my end user technologies class. We only reviewed for the final and were done in 20 minutes (it's an hour and 15 minute class), but it was worth going because a guy in the class brought in an Alienware laptop. I'd never actually seen one in person before. So that was cool
Afterward I went to lunch with Ralph. I ran into this graduate student in my physics class who is really liberal and scientific-minded (and I think she's cute). We ate lunch with her, then I followed her to a physics study group. I did homework for an hour, then went to take a calculus test (which I know I failed). Then I had to rush out of school to get Krissi and take her home. When I got back to Muskego I had to get to work and the bank. On the road Jon called and told me he was at my house. So then I had to rush home.
When I got home, Jon told me what my birthday present was - he's gonna watch the Matrix with me. Awesome. But then dad was coming so mom rushed me to eat and open gifts (which were nice). Then dad finally got here and took me down to Romine's to shoot pool (the guy at the door looked at my license and said happy birthday, which my banker did NOT do). I finally relaxed a bit. When I got home I played video games for a little while and now here I am. I guess it was an okay day, but it was gone in the blink of an eye. Now I'm 21... I don't think it's sunk in yet.
Oh, and Ralph did get me a very asinine gift. Anyone who wants to know what it is can contact me to find out.
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
Not a very interesting day today, and yet I am posting anyway.
So today we actually had a demonstration day in physics. That was okay, but calc and Russian both really sucked. And I got to spend almost 2 hours in a study group trying to figure out how to solve the problem we were given for our calc paper. Blech.
I did see Q today, though. He and Ralph and I played pool. We also had a conversation about how Dope's music is never played on the radio. I mean, I'd never heard them on the radio before. But sure enough, five minutes after the conversation was over, the radio station in the rec center played "I Am." I was amazed. I wanted to stick around and hear the song but all three of us had to get to class. It was good to see Q again, though.
But I also found out that he's taking a Winterim class and then he's done, he'll graduate. He was the one of the first new people I met in Whitewater who I am still friends with. I'll be pretty sad to see him go, although I do have his cell number so I can call him if I'm ever in Janesville. Learning of this did get me to thinking about life and how it's moving along so fast without me on board. I still don't know where I'm going or what I want... And the few things I do know I want I can probably never have. Sure I have a lot of friends but when I heard Q would no longer be in Whitewater soon the thought crossed my mind that I could potentially lose touch with him. I really don't want to, but I'm bad at keeping contact with people. I've lost a lot of people I wasn't as close to in high school, plus some other friends who were close.
I am, however, very grateful for the people I have NOT lost contact with - as well as the people who I'm currently getting closer to. You all do mean a lot to me, and are what keeps me going. I'd say my friends (and certain members of my family) are probably the best part of my life. Sure, some people may help more than others, but you all have your own things you do that make me feel better whether you know it or not. So thank you all (and thank you for taking an interest in me by reading this!)
To those people who I've lost for various reasons, be it drifting apart or bitter argument, or even... well death... I miss you. And I'm sorry for any parts I have played in the separations. Really.
Okay that's all I have to say. I don't know how one cool guy graduating can get me to think about this shit all day, but then again I've never really understood my own mind.
I turn 21 a week from tomorrow... Ralph has an "assinine gift" planned for me. I can hardly wait.
So today we actually had a demonstration day in physics. That was okay, but calc and Russian both really sucked. And I got to spend almost 2 hours in a study group trying to figure out how to solve the problem we were given for our calc paper. Blech.
I did see Q today, though. He and Ralph and I played pool. We also had a conversation about how Dope's music is never played on the radio. I mean, I'd never heard them on the radio before. But sure enough, five minutes after the conversation was over, the radio station in the rec center played "I Am." I was amazed. I wanted to stick around and hear the song but all three of us had to get to class. It was good to see Q again, though.
But I also found out that he's taking a Winterim class and then he's done, he'll graduate. He was the one of the first new people I met in Whitewater who I am still friends with. I'll be pretty sad to see him go, although I do have his cell number so I can call him if I'm ever in Janesville. Learning of this did get me to thinking about life and how it's moving along so fast without me on board. I still don't know where I'm going or what I want... And the few things I do know I want I can probably never have. Sure I have a lot of friends but when I heard Q would no longer be in Whitewater soon the thought crossed my mind that I could potentially lose touch with him. I really don't want to, but I'm bad at keeping contact with people. I've lost a lot of people I wasn't as close to in high school, plus some other friends who were close.
I am, however, very grateful for the people I have NOT lost contact with - as well as the people who I'm currently getting closer to. You all do mean a lot to me, and are what keeps me going. I'd say my friends (and certain members of my family) are probably the best part of my life. Sure, some people may help more than others, but you all have your own things you do that make me feel better whether you know it or not. So thank you all (and thank you for taking an interest in me by reading this!)
To those people who I've lost for various reasons, be it drifting apart or bitter argument, or even... well death... I miss you. And I'm sorry for any parts I have played in the separations. Really.
Okay that's all I have to say. I don't know how one cool guy graduating can get me to think about this shit all day, but then again I've never really understood my own mind.
I turn 21 a week from tomorrow... Ralph has an "assinine gift" planned for me. I can hardly wait.
Monday, December 01, 2003
Well I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I engorged myself to the point that I felt really sick all day on Friday. The weekend was... well, decent I guess. Finished my PPV, played a lot of DDR, and put up the Christmas tree. Oh yeah, and bowling was fun but the subsequent dinner KICKED ASS. Jon, Ralph, Jerod, Tim, Ryan and myself all eating together is CRAZY.
So I found out that Time Warner Cable is giving me a birthday present. Well not literally... But as of December 10th, they will be adding the Independent Film Channel (IFC) to the basic digital cable package... Just in time for them to air Requiem for a Dream on the 11th, which is my 21st birthday for those who don't know.
Per Paul's request (and instructions), I have added a "Comment" feature. You may now leave me messages via HaloScan in response to my posts to this thing. It appears in a pop-up window, so if you have a pop-up remover (like I do), you may need to disable it for this option to work...
Okay, so I should get back to my papers. I don't think they're going well, and I *thought* that I'd have no more homework 'til exams when I was done with them... but I think I'm gonna have a Calc II test on my freakin' birthday. Damn it.
Shadow out.
So I found out that Time Warner Cable is giving me a birthday present. Well not literally... But as of December 10th, they will be adding the Independent Film Channel (IFC) to the basic digital cable package... Just in time for them to air Requiem for a Dream on the 11th, which is my 21st birthday for those who don't know.
Per Paul's request (and instructions), I have added a "Comment" feature. You may now leave me messages via HaloScan in response to my posts to this thing. It appears in a pop-up window, so if you have a pop-up remover (like I do), you may need to disable it for this option to work...
Okay, so I should get back to my papers. I don't think they're going well, and I *thought* that I'd have no more homework 'til exams when I was done with them... but I think I'm gonna have a Calc II test on my freakin' birthday. Damn it.
Shadow out.
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