Thursday, July 29, 2004
*sigh* you know, I think it's time to give up.
Perhaps I'm bad with words, but it feels like I can never quite say just want I want to say. Then I let someone/something else say it for me, and it gets taken in the most offensive way possible. Well forget that. I'm done telling people what I think.
I accuse myself of being an asshole, then people tell me I'm not. Then when I start to feel like believing them, they tell me I'm an asshole again. I think I'm a bad friend. I've said that to many people on many occasions. They've always said that I was one of the best they could have. Then when I'm actually starting to feel confident, they turn right around and accuse me of not caring about them.
Well I do care. I don't think anyone realizes how much. Just because I don't see or talk to someone for a while does not mean I don't care about them. During the summer I work practically every day. I only get to see my girlfriend once a week, and that's if I'm lucky. So of course I'm not free much when I'm not at work. When I do have the (incredibly rare) day at home, I like to savor it. The only time my PS2 has been turned on in the past month has been to watch DVDs at Andrea's. I have 5 CDs I want to burn but haven't because my desktop PC gets turned on about once every two weeks. I post rarely because when I actually have enough time to sit down, I fall asleep practically right away because I'm so fried.
I can hardly wait for school to start because I need more free time. And I'm retaking CALC II next semester!
Yeah I have a $550 paycheck every two weeks, but what good is money if you never have any time to relax and enjoy life? I won a Game Boy Advance last weekend, I haven't opened it yet.
Oh well, at this point I'm just ranting. Back to my point now. It seems that no matter what I say or do, someone has a problem with it. So screw it. People are gonna get pissed at me for what I think? Then let them. But I'm not gonna make it public anymore.
If everything I say pisses someone off, then I don't need to say it. If the music I listen to pisses someone off, then they don't have to hear it. If people think I'm ignoring them, they should look closer at the way I'm ignoring myself. And that's that.
I am saying goodbye to this blog. I won't officially delete it yet, if only because I "waffle" on things like this and may one day decide to come back. But don't expect any new posts anymore. I realize most people don't check/update blogs during the summer, so the majority of people won't see this post until we go back to school in 35 days. But when you do see this post, it will most likely be the most recent.
I'm done, guys. Done stating what I think and feel out in the open. It stays inside from now on. I had a good run and wish it could've gone at least a year, but I guess it just wasn't too be. I should've known.
Well, feel free to comment on this if you like but I may not respond. Goodbye all, and fare thee well.
Perhaps I'm bad with words, but it feels like I can never quite say just want I want to say. Then I let someone/something else say it for me, and it gets taken in the most offensive way possible. Well forget that. I'm done telling people what I think.
I accuse myself of being an asshole, then people tell me I'm not. Then when I start to feel like believing them, they tell me I'm an asshole again. I think I'm a bad friend. I've said that to many people on many occasions. They've always said that I was one of the best they could have. Then when I'm actually starting to feel confident, they turn right around and accuse me of not caring about them.
Well I do care. I don't think anyone realizes how much. Just because I don't see or talk to someone for a while does not mean I don't care about them. During the summer I work practically every day. I only get to see my girlfriend once a week, and that's if I'm lucky. So of course I'm not free much when I'm not at work. When I do have the (incredibly rare) day at home, I like to savor it. The only time my PS2 has been turned on in the past month has been to watch DVDs at Andrea's. I have 5 CDs I want to burn but haven't because my desktop PC gets turned on about once every two weeks. I post rarely because when I actually have enough time to sit down, I fall asleep practically right away because I'm so fried.
I can hardly wait for school to start because I need more free time. And I'm retaking CALC II next semester!
Yeah I have a $550 paycheck every two weeks, but what good is money if you never have any time to relax and enjoy life? I won a Game Boy Advance last weekend, I haven't opened it yet.
Oh well, at this point I'm just ranting. Back to my point now. It seems that no matter what I say or do, someone has a problem with it. So screw it. People are gonna get pissed at me for what I think? Then let them. But I'm not gonna make it public anymore.
If everything I say pisses someone off, then I don't need to say it. If the music I listen to pisses someone off, then they don't have to hear it. If people think I'm ignoring them, they should look closer at the way I'm ignoring myself. And that's that.
I am saying goodbye to this blog. I won't officially delete it yet, if only because I "waffle" on things like this and may one day decide to come back. But don't expect any new posts anymore. I realize most people don't check/update blogs during the summer, so the majority of people won't see this post until we go back to school in 35 days. But when you do see this post, it will most likely be the most recent.
I'm done, guys. Done stating what I think and feel out in the open. It stays inside from now on. I had a good run and wish it could've gone at least a year, but I guess it just wasn't too be. I should've known.
Well, feel free to comment on this if you like but I may not respond. Goodbye all, and fare thee well.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Well, working with Diane isn't too bad, actually. But now we have to deal with Chris Martinez.
Anyway, on the topic of Eminem lyrics, Ralph made a simple comment that I am going to expand on. He suggested to listen to the intro to "Criminal." I found that to be a good point.
The following is not the intro to "Criminal," but actually the whole song. It was released in 2000, on the Marshall Mathers LP, around the time I got into Eminem, along with some other people I know and have known.
This is in fact a song where Eminem is "defending" himself, not in the sense that he is justifying his lyrics, rather saying he just doesn't care what you think. I'm sorry if the lyrics to this offend anyone, really, but it is also one of my favorite songs on that particular CD:
"Criminal"[Eminem]
A lot of people ask me.. stupid fuckin questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that.. I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, shit.. if you believe that
then I'll kill you
You know why?
Cuz I'm a
CRIMINAL
CRIMINAL
You god damn right
I'm a CRIMINAL
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!)
That's my motherfuckin balls, you'd better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? Checkin the 'male'?
How many records you expectin to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men, right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin each March
with a brand new cd for these fuckin retards
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A Fuck," still won't leave
[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]I'm a CRIMINAL
Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep goin, I don't take shit from no one
My mother did drugs - tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you sposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got largerI drink more liquor to fuck you up quicker
than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointyI'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - [*kch*] the maniac's in
Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a CRIMINAL
[Interlude Skit][Dre]Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfuckerget the motherfuckin money and get the fuck up outta there
AightI'll be right here waitin on you
[Em] Aight
[Dre]Yo Em
[Em] What?!
[Dre}Don't kill nobody this time
[Em] Awwright... god damn, fuck...(whistling) how you doin'
[Teller] HI, how can I help you?
[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Teller] Okay
[Eminem] Put the fuckin money in the bag bitchand I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin around...
[Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me...[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fuckin kill you
Hurry the fuck up!
[*BOOM*] Thank you!
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in itAnd if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutesCome back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet [*dog whines*]
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
tuck my dick inbetween my legs and cluck
You motherfuckin chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut [*tape unrolls*]
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fuckin rapist in a Jason mask
[Chorus 2X]
(Thanks to azlyrics.com)
Anyway, on the topic of Eminem lyrics, Ralph made a simple comment that I am going to expand on. He suggested to listen to the intro to "Criminal." I found that to be a good point.
The following is not the intro to "Criminal," but actually the whole song. It was released in 2000, on the Marshall Mathers LP, around the time I got into Eminem, along with some other people I know and have known.
This is in fact a song where Eminem is "defending" himself, not in the sense that he is justifying his lyrics, rather saying he just doesn't care what you think. I'm sorry if the lyrics to this offend anyone, really, but it is also one of my favorite songs on that particular CD:
"Criminal"[Eminem]
A lot of people ask me.. stupid fuckin questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that.. I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, shit.. if you believe that
then I'll kill you
You know why?
Cuz I'm a
CRIMINAL
CRIMINAL
You god damn right
I'm a CRIMINAL
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!)
That's my motherfuckin balls, you'd better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? Checkin the 'male'?
How many records you expectin to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men, right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin each March
with a brand new cd for these fuckin retards
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A Fuck," still won't leave
[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]I'm a CRIMINAL
Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep goin, I don't take shit from no one
My mother did drugs - tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you sposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got largerI drink more liquor to fuck you up quicker
than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointyI'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - [*kch*] the maniac's in
Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a CRIMINAL
[Interlude Skit][Dre]Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfuckerget the motherfuckin money and get the fuck up outta there
AightI'll be right here waitin on you
[Em] Aight
[Dre]Yo Em
[Em] What?!
[Dre}Don't kill nobody this time
[Em] Awwright... god damn, fuck...(whistling) how you doin'
[Teller] HI, how can I help you?
[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Teller] Okay
[Eminem] Put the fuckin money in the bag bitchand I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin around...
[Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me...[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fuckin kill you
Hurry the fuck up!
[*BOOM*] Thank you!
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in itAnd if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutesCome back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet [*dog whines*]
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
tuck my dick inbetween my legs and cluck
You motherfuckin chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut [*tape unrolls*]
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fuckin rapist in a Jason mask
[Chorus 2X]
(Thanks to azlyrics.com)
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
I wish I had more time on my hands, but sadly I don't. Expect more frequent updates once school is back in session - I usually end up in some sort of computer lab during the course of the day.
So the 4th of July weekend was quite fun. On Friday Mr. Minor, Ralph, and I went up to Lomira and spent about $200 in order to get $400 worth of fireworks. We had lunch up there too.
Mom and Mark and I attempted to go to the U.S. Bank Fireworks on Saturday the 3rd, but it was decided (not by me) that we weren't going to sit through the rain. We ended up coming home instead and I watched the fireworks on TV because they didn't actually get rained out. There was a race on all night though, so they didn't even show the things until 11:30. Gah.
Sunday the 4th was great... I went and got Andrea and then Ralph met up with us. We went to the Minors to discover they weren't home yet. Jon and Laura and Megan were there lighting off stuff they'd bought. Once the Minors got home, we lit off the rest of the stuff. It was the most fun I've had in a long time. Paul even managed to show up for the (rather disappointing) finale. Hopefully next year will be an even bigger show.
Monday was good too. I went with Andrea down to the Wauwatosa fireworks and I met a bunch of her friends from high school, but more importantly her older sister and future brother-in-law. They were pretty cool although her sister didn't say much. The fireworks were actually pretty good too.
So much has happened in the last month, it was nice to get my mind off it for a few days. Then last Thursday was my boss' last day. She's gone for good now and while I might still see her around, I'm stuck with someone who is even more by-the-book. Lori told me she could try to talk to her brothers about getting me an internship of some sort, which would be awesome but I'm not gonna get my hopes up. I guess Lori will be leaving McD's by the end of the summer too (shh, don't tell anyone, Paul).
Sadly I will not be able to go to Nicole's wedding. Just too many things standing in the way. I'm pretty disappointed about it but I can't say I didn't try. Would've liked to be there for the big moment, though... Plus it would've been nice to get the hell away from everything for a while.
So that's pretty much what's going on. I'll post again sometime.
So the 4th of July weekend was quite fun. On Friday Mr. Minor, Ralph, and I went up to Lomira and spent about $200 in order to get $400 worth of fireworks. We had lunch up there too.
Mom and Mark and I attempted to go to the U.S. Bank Fireworks on Saturday the 3rd, but it was decided (not by me) that we weren't going to sit through the rain. We ended up coming home instead and I watched the fireworks on TV because they didn't actually get rained out. There was a race on all night though, so they didn't even show the things until 11:30. Gah.
Sunday the 4th was great... I went and got Andrea and then Ralph met up with us. We went to the Minors to discover they weren't home yet. Jon and Laura and Megan were there lighting off stuff they'd bought. Once the Minors got home, we lit off the rest of the stuff. It was the most fun I've had in a long time. Paul even managed to show up for the (rather disappointing) finale. Hopefully next year will be an even bigger show.
Monday was good too. I went with Andrea down to the Wauwatosa fireworks and I met a bunch of her friends from high school, but more importantly her older sister and future brother-in-law. They were pretty cool although her sister didn't say much. The fireworks were actually pretty good too.
So much has happened in the last month, it was nice to get my mind off it for a few days. Then last Thursday was my boss' last day. She's gone for good now and while I might still see her around, I'm stuck with someone who is even more by-the-book. Lori told me she could try to talk to her brothers about getting me an internship of some sort, which would be awesome but I'm not gonna get my hopes up. I guess Lori will be leaving McD's by the end of the summer too (shh, don't tell anyone, Paul).
Sadly I will not be able to go to Nicole's wedding. Just too many things standing in the way. I'm pretty disappointed about it but I can't say I didn't try. Would've liked to be there for the big moment, though... Plus it would've been nice to get the hell away from everything for a while.
So that's pretty much what's going on. I'll post again sometime.
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