Tuesday, September 19, 2006
The Breakdown
I was originally not going to post this here, but since I know nobody will fucking read it I figured why the bloody hell not?
Your breakdown last week:
Student Teaching - 40 hours, 43%
Class - 9 hours, 10%
Work - 35 hours, 38%
(yes I counted based on what you actually worked instead of the 10 hrs less you were scheduled)
Seeing Ralph - 2 hours, 2%
Seeing me - 5 hours, 5%
Talking to me - 2 hours, 2%
Total - 93 hours of work out of 168 hours in a week (yes I'm counting myself and grocery shopping with Ralph as work), 55% of the week spent working when not sleeping.
This is compared to an average person's 40 hours out of 168, or a person taking night classes' 49 hours. Most people don't work two full time jobs the way you are doing.
The rest of the time is dedicated to sleep, getting ready for work, and homework. I don't know what else you are doing since you said every hour of every day was devoted to something.
Notice how only 7% of your 93 hour work week is given to me. I know you say I stress you out, and I probably do. However, you are stressed whenever anyone talks to you. I think you are using me as a scapegoat to blame all your problems on because you don't want to admit you may have bitten off more than you can chew.
Your breakdown last week:
Student Teaching - 40 hours, 43%
Class - 9 hours, 10%
Work - 35 hours, 38%
(yes I counted based on what you actually worked instead of the 10 hrs less you were scheduled)
Seeing Ralph - 2 hours, 2%
Seeing me - 5 hours, 5%
Talking to me - 2 hours, 2%
Total - 93 hours of work out of 168 hours in a week (yes I'm counting myself and grocery shopping with Ralph as work), 55% of the week spent working when not sleeping.
This is compared to an average person's 40 hours out of 168, or a person taking night classes' 49 hours. Most people don't work two full time jobs the way you are doing.
The rest of the time is dedicated to sleep, getting ready for work, and homework. I don't know what else you are doing since you said every hour of every day was devoted to something.
Notice how only 7% of your 93 hour work week is given to me. I know you say I stress you out, and I probably do. However, you are stressed whenever anyone talks to you. I think you are using me as a scapegoat to blame all your problems on because you don't want to admit you may have bitten off more than you can chew.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Nobody's Listening.
I don't seem to get any comments any more. Just further proof that I have nobody left to talk to. It really seems that nobody understands what I'm going through right now, and the only person I feel I can talk to about anything does not wish to do so anymore. I have almost no friends left, and now that I'm no longer in school I have nothing going for me anymore. At least in the past, when I experienced heartbreak or lost friends, I was still in school so I felt like I had a future.
Now I have nothing. And nobody.
I am completely alone.
Now I have nothing. And nobody.
I am completely alone.
Monday, September 11, 2006
"Streamline" by System of a Down
I wasn't there for you,
I wasn't there for you.
I know, weather's gonna be fine,
But I can't see you cross the streamline,
My love waits for me in daytime,
But I can't see you through the snowblind.
You are gone,
I wasn't there for you,
Goodbyes are long,
I wasn't there for goodbye,
But I wasn't there for goodbye.
I know, time reveals in hindsight,
I can't, wrestle with the stormy night,
Because, your love lasts a lifetime,
But I can't, see you through the snowblind.
I wasn't there for you,
I wasn't there,
I wasn't there for you,
I wasn't there for you.
You are gone, but I wasn't there for you
Goodbyes are long,
I wasn't there for goodbye,
Goodbye,
Goodbye.
I AM SORRY.
I wasn't there for you,
I wasn't there for you.
I know, weather's gonna be fine,
But I can't see you cross the streamline,
My love waits for me in daytime,
But I can't see you through the snowblind.
You are gone,
I wasn't there for you,
Goodbyes are long,
I wasn't there for goodbye,
But I wasn't there for goodbye.
I know, time reveals in hindsight,
I can't, wrestle with the stormy night,
Because, your love lasts a lifetime,
But I can't, see you through the snowblind.
I wasn't there for you,
I wasn't there,
I wasn't there for you,
I wasn't there for you.
You are gone, but I wasn't there for you
Goodbyes are long,
I wasn't there for goodbye,
Goodbye,
Goodbye.
I AM SORRY.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Wake Me Up When September Ends
Well, here I sit... It's 2:12 in the morning and I am still awake. I actually got Labor Day off this year, for what it's worth... which is not much considering.
This is usually the day where I think about the summer and how it went, what good and bad memories I have, etc. I normally think about how everyone is going back to school, but I will see them on breaks and I will get to talk to them online. I think about how I can see my friends from school and ask them how their summer went, then have good times with them again.
But this year I won't. For the first time in my life, I'm not going back to school tomorrow. And it sucks. I won't get to go online on a nightly basis and converse with my friends. I won't have the quasi-structure that school allowed, where I only had classes planned for a day and had free reign around that. I won't get to see many people for months and I won't get to sit around in the computer lab.
I won't miss homework, but I would prefer it to what I'm currently doing. Still don't have a new job yet. Andrea does, but that's another story. She now works in food service as well. There have been a high amount of tensions between us that I'm going to choose not to elaborate on at this particular point in time. Anyway I have always prefered being at college to being at McDonald's.
But even if I could go back to Whitewater (I know, I used to hate the place and now I miss it, ironic), it wouldn't be the same. The UC where I spent most of my days as a commuter is demolished, soon to be rebuilt. All the places that were special to me are being changed or destroyed. Almost all of my friends graduated and have moved on. Andrea is still in school, but even she would not be on campus all day anyway because of student teaching.
I keep thinking about the last week in August last year, and how I actually had time to relax. Leave work a week before school started and just RELAX. And how nice it was not to have a care in the world at the time. I miss it, and this little mini-vacation I'm on right now pales in comparison. This time is different, though, moreso because it's McD's I have to go back to and not UWW.
The last five years of my life have been better than I've given them credit for. True there was a great deal of turmoil at the beginning of college (has it been five years already, Aaron?), but the latter half of my career I did in fact like being in school. I was learning things, I was socializing with intelligent people (the last three years at least), and I only had one day of hellish work a week. I got to meet most of my current friends, hang around places away from home, have decent weekends even just hanging around the bookstore, have some wonderful professors, got into my first online game, and of course got my first girlfriend which was a wonderful two year experience.
I wish I could turn back time... Even just one year, and live through a lot of it again. True, I'd do some things a bit differently (like not take Statics since it never even counted on my transcript anyway), but that would just make it all the better.
I hope my life improves. I really do. But right now, as I sit here waiting for school to start for everyone around me, I must close the book on a very interesting and pretty damn decent chapter of my life.
This is usually the day where I think about the summer and how it went, what good and bad memories I have, etc. I normally think about how everyone is going back to school, but I will see them on breaks and I will get to talk to them online. I think about how I can see my friends from school and ask them how their summer went, then have good times with them again.
But this year I won't. For the first time in my life, I'm not going back to school tomorrow. And it sucks. I won't get to go online on a nightly basis and converse with my friends. I won't have the quasi-structure that school allowed, where I only had classes planned for a day and had free reign around that. I won't get to see many people for months and I won't get to sit around in the computer lab.
I won't miss homework, but I would prefer it to what I'm currently doing. Still don't have a new job yet. Andrea does, but that's another story. She now works in food service as well. There have been a high amount of tensions between us that I'm going to choose not to elaborate on at this particular point in time. Anyway I have always prefered being at college to being at McDonald's.
But even if I could go back to Whitewater (I know, I used to hate the place and now I miss it, ironic), it wouldn't be the same. The UC where I spent most of my days as a commuter is demolished, soon to be rebuilt. All the places that were special to me are being changed or destroyed. Almost all of my friends graduated and have moved on. Andrea is still in school, but even she would not be on campus all day anyway because of student teaching.
I keep thinking about the last week in August last year, and how I actually had time to relax. Leave work a week before school started and just RELAX. And how nice it was not to have a care in the world at the time. I miss it, and this little mini-vacation I'm on right now pales in comparison. This time is different, though, moreso because it's McD's I have to go back to and not UWW.
The last five years of my life have been better than I've given them credit for. True there was a great deal of turmoil at the beginning of college (has it been five years already, Aaron?), but the latter half of my career I did in fact like being in school. I was learning things, I was socializing with intelligent people (the last three years at least), and I only had one day of hellish work a week. I got to meet most of my current friends, hang around places away from home, have decent weekends even just hanging around the bookstore, have some wonderful professors, got into my first online game, and of course got my first girlfriend which was a wonderful two year experience.
I wish I could turn back time... Even just one year, and live through a lot of it again. True, I'd do some things a bit differently (like not take Statics since it never even counted on my transcript anyway), but that would just make it all the better.
I hope my life improves. I really do. But right now, as I sit here waiting for school to start for everyone around me, I must close the book on a very interesting and pretty damn decent chapter of my life.
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